Medieval nicknames weren’t all glorious
Medieval kings and rulers often got nicknames.
Some epithets like Charles the Bald and Charles the Fat are self-explanatory, if not very flattering.
For every glorious moniker like “The Good” or “The Great”, there’s “The Silly” or “The Unavoidable”.
Here is our list of the top ten bizarre medieval nicknames given to rulers.
1.
Wolf or Ulf the Quarrelsome
In medieval sagas, Ulf the Quarrelsome is the Brother or step-son of Brian Boru, the last High King of Ireland.
Even the Vikings called him “the greatest champion and warrior” of Brian Boru’s army.
He gruesomely avenged his brother’s death at the Battle of Clontarf.
He hunted down his brother’s killer Brodir, slew all of his men and then got down to business.
Cutting open Brodir’s belly, he wound the still living Northman’s entrails around a tree and tied him there.
From the Njals Saga :
Ulf the Quarrelsome cut open his belly, and led him round and round the trunk of a tree, and so wound all his entrails out of him, and he did not die before they were all drawn out of him.
Quarrelsome appears to be an understatement.
2.
King Harald the Fine Haired (literally “Harald Hair-pretty”)
This is (sort of) a love story.
Gyda, princess of Hordaland, refused to marry Harald “before he was king over all of Norway”.
He vowed not to cut or brush his hair again until he had accomplished his mission, which was to conquer all of Norway.
More prosaically, he may have avoided the scissors because hair and beard was a source of power and strength.
During that period he was known as ‘shockhead’ or Harald the Tangle-Haired, thanks to his rat’s nest of hair.
When he became King of Norway 10 YEARS LATER, he cut his tangled mane and changed his moniker to suit his luxurious new locks.
3.
Fredrick the bitten
Friedrich I. (der Gebissene), a nobleman (Landgrave), from Meissen (by Dresden).
Legend has it that his mother fled her husband’s cheating husband in 1270. What can you expect from Albert the Degenerate?
Frederick was so distraught by the loss of his mother, that he bit his mother on the cheek. This is how he came to be known as the Bitten.
4.
Ibrahim the Mad
source : thegoneapp.com/
Ibrahim I stood out even amongst the insanely cruel Ottoman rulers of the 16th and 17th century.
Being locked in a windowless building called the “cage” until the age of 23 probably contributed to his bouts of intense violence.
His odd sexual proclivities also contributed to his violent behavior.
Once, Ibrahim happened to see the private parts of a wild young cow and was very taken with them.
According to Cantemir:
“he sent the shape of them in gold all over the Empire with orders to make enquiries whether a woman made in just that manner could be found for his lust”.
They found a suitable candidate in Armenia, weighing 150kg, and she entered the harem under the name Sechir Para (Sugar Cube).
Ibrahim became besotted with her and made her Governor General of Damascus.
5.
Niall of the Nine Hostages
(*10*) The Irish warlord was “High King” at Tara, the ancient centre of Ireland from A.D. 379 to A.D. 405.
He was very busy battling the English, the Scots, the French and even the Romans.
He was able to have a better work-life balance, but recent evidence has shown that only one in twelve Irish men shares the same DNA as the ancient King.
In Ireland’s north-west, that figure rises to one in five.
“The Death of Niall of the Nine Hostages” says he received five hostages from the five provinces of Ireland (Ulster, Connacht, Leinster, Munster and Meath), and one each from Scotland, the Saxons, the Britons and the Franks.
Saint Patrick was his most famous hostage.
6.
Louis the Universal Spider
King Louis XI was called “Cunning” and “Universal Spider” due to the webs of intrigue he spun around Europe.
Plotting, exploiting enemies and friends,raising armies against his father – he would have been a contender in “Game of Thrones”.
Fun fact : he is the king in “Hunchback of Notre Dame” who orders Esmeralda killed.
7.
Ivar the Boneless
The Viking sagas describe Ivar as-
‘Only cartilage was where bone should have been , but otherwise he grew tall and handsome and in wisdom he was the best of their children.’
The mid-twelfth century poem Hattalykill says he was ‘without any bones at all’ (!).
Theories about how he got the nickname “the Boneless” range from he was double jointed, to that he was named ironically, to erectile dysfunction.
He apparently grew up unable to walk and had to be carried everywhere on poles or on the back of a shield.
However, Ivar’s disability didn’t prevent him from fighting.
In fact, his arms were so strong that his bow was more powerful and his arrows heavier than those of his companions.
Ivar defeated Sibilja, a bewitched cow, in a battle against King Eysteinn.
In the saga, he orders his men to carry him towards the terrible beast; he then blinds it by firing two arrows from a longbow as large as a tree trunk, which he drew back ‘as if it were only a weak elm twig’.
8.
Charles the Silly
Charles VI of France was Charles the Well-Loved before insanity took over.
His delusions included believing that he was made out of glass.
He wore reinforced clothing and refused to travel by coach to protect himself from “shattering”.
He would also attack servants or run until he fell, whining that he was under threat from his enemies.
His wife’s nickname, incidentally, was “The Great Sow”.
9.
Eystein the Fart
Eystein’s (1088-1123) nickname doesn’t actually refer to a tooting tetrarch.
It possibly comes from the Norwegian word fart, which means ‘fast’, due to his extensive traveling.
It could also mean that he was loudmouthed or a busybody.
He was definitely one of the first people to describe ice-skating: he boasted of his skills on ‘ice-legs’.
His son Halfdan the Mild succeeded him, one might think.
9.
Ragnar Hairy Breeches
King Ragnar Hairy Breeches (Ragnarr Loðbrók in Norse) was a legendary figure who was briefly King of Denmark.
His name is derived from the animal skin trousers he wore to fight a poison-breathing serpent (or dragon, according to some stories).
His wife made the trousers, which were quite sweet.
Ragnar was paid 7000 pounds of silver by Charles the Bald, a French king.
Ragnar had many sons, including Ivar the Boneless, Halfdan White-shirt, Björn Iron-sides, and Sigurd Snake-in-the-eye.
10
Constantine V the Dung-named
Byzantine emperor Constantine V (ad 718-775) was known as Kopronymous (dung-named) by his enemies.
This was essentially a smear operation after he had destroyed all Constantinople’s religious icons.
Legend has it that he lost control over his bowels and fell into the baptismal font after he was baptized.
We can’t leave out the Medieval nicknames….
Iskander, the Accursed Charles of the Bewitched Colomon is the Bookish Geoffrey Vasili the Coal-burner Vasili Robert the Devil Louis V Constantine V the Dungnamed John The Lover of Elegance Ivan I moneybags Henry Henry the Orphan Eric I the Priest Hater James to Rash Karl the Sudden Gusav Garcia the Trembling Louis Unavoidable
