When it’s time to deliver a toast, or make a witty comment on any occasion, you can’t go wrong with these funny drinking quotes! With funny drunk quotes from people like Dorothy Parker and W.C. Fields, to champagne wisdom from F. Scott Fitzgerald, to beer sayings from Plato, we’ve collected some of the best words on alcohol ever spoken.
Drinkers quotes can be anything from a simple joke to a full-blown mantra for living your life to its fullest. Enjoy these drinking sayings and feel free to add your own.
- “I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.” – Dorothy Parker
- “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C Fields
- “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” -Drew Carey
- “I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.” – Joe E Ellis
- “I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.” – Rodney Dangerfield
- “I work until beer o’clock.” – Stephen King
- “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” – Frank Sinatra
- “I don’t have a drinking problem ‘Cept when I can’t get a drink.” – Tom Waits
- “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” – Humphrey Bogart
- “There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.” ― Bette Davis
- “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” ― Ogden Nash
- “The best research for playing a drunk is being a British actor for 20 years.” – Michael Caine
- “There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” – Raymond Chandler
- ”I wish to live to 150 years old, but the day I die, I wish it to be with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other.” – Ava Gardner
- Work is the curse of those in the drinking classes. Oscar Wilde
- One bottle of wine has more philosophy than all the books on the planet. – Louis Pasteur
- Too much Champagne can be dangerous, but not enough of any other substance. —F. Scott Fitzgerald
- A woman drove me to drink, and I hadn’t even the courtesy to thank her. – W.C. Fields
- He was a wise man and invented beer. Plato
- Men are like wine. Some men turn to vinegar. However, the best men age well. -Pope John XXIII
- “Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Doesn’t everyone?” Noel Coward
- “I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not” – Coco Chanel
- “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.” ― Rumi
- “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”― Joan Collins
- “Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time” -Catherine Zandonella
