October 07, 2021.
Whitney White, MS. CMHC., NCC.
We fall in love, marry, have children, and then buy the house with the white picket fencing and perfect green grass. After many years of travelling the world together with our spouse, who is madly in love with us, we have a few kids who sleep through the night. There is no imperfection in this life. Do you find that sounds like you? I didn’t think so.
The world we live in is not perfect. This includes the possibility that you may fall out of love or be in a relationship with someone else. People outside of your marriage will undoubtedly attract you, even if they are only occasionally. It is just human nature. Even if your marriage has been solid and you are in love with your spouse, it is possible to fall for someone else at some point. ButUnfortunately, sometimes this fleeting attraction can become something more.
You’re married and have realized that you are in love with someone else. What should you do next?
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Source: thegoneapp.com
We fall in love, marry, have children, and then buy the house with the white picket fencing and perfect green grass. After many years of travelling the world together with our spouse, who is madly in love with us, we have a few kids who sleep through the night. There is no imperfection in this life. Do you find that sounds like you? I didn’t think so.
The world we live in is not perfect. This includes the possibility that you may fall out of love or be in a relationship with someone else. People outside of your marriage will undoubtedly attract you, even if they are only occasionally. It is just human nature. Even if your marriage has been solid and you are in love with your spouse, it is possible to fall for someone else at some point. ButUnfortunately, sometimes this fleeting attraction can become something more.
You’re married and have realized that you are in love with someone else. What should you do next?
Are you really in love with someone? Someone ElseWhat is the best way to get started?
Attraction can be confusing and inscrutable, especially when you’re feeling caught between having interest in two or more people – it can be hard to determine if you’re madly in love with someone else, or if you’re simply experiencing impermanent feelings of longing, or going through a small crush. It’s important to examine your feelings and determine if what you’re experiencing is simply feeling attracted to someone else or if it might be something deeper and more complicated. Before you definitively declare, “I’m married but constantly thinking about someone else,” here are some signs that indicate that you might be in love but thinking about someone other than your spouse:
- They will share every detail of your life with you
- They are your protectors
- There are many ways to spend more quality time with them
- They’re missed when they’re gone
- They are yours to see
- Compare them with your spouse
- You are now interested in their favourite things
- You are constantly checking your phone to see if there are any new messages.
- They are so fascinating that you can’t help but think about them
- It’s a shame to hang out with them
- You lie to or keep secrets about your spouse
- They can make you feel happier and more positive
- Dress up when you know that you will be seeing them
- The chemistry you share is almost tangible
- Everything about them is recalled in your mind
Important to remember that these items are likely to be very similar to what you experienced when you first fell in love with your spouse. Do you see your new love as the same person that your first marriage was? Internal honesty is critical, and the first step to overcoming issues like these can be truthfully saying to yourself, “I’m in love with someone who isn’t my spouse. Now how do I fix my marriage or move forward?”
You are Married ButIn love with Someone Else. What Should You Do?
There is a fine line between being in a relationship with another person or having an emotional affair and moving on to having a physical affair. The steps you need to follow are the same. Regardless of whether an affair is physical or merely emotional, stepping outside the bounds of your marriage can do immense damage to your relationship, so it’s crucial to proceed cautiously.
If you’re married but constantly thinking about someone else, it can be important to consider why you may be thinking about that person. Let’s first look at the reasons married couples have affairs. These are the top reasons for affairs in married couples:
Source: thegoneapp.com
What are you waiting for? Married Couples Cheat?
- Insatiability with sexual pleasure (needing sexual encounters)
- Insufficient emotional satisfaction (needing validation from another person)
- Falling out love (falling in Love with Someone Else)
- Insufficient spark and excitement in the marital relationship (needing new and exciting experiences).
If you’re in love and considering having an affair or are already involved with another person, there are four choices.
- Stop the affair and start working on your marriage
- Keep your marriage intact while maintaining a romantic relationship.
- You can leave your marriage to your lover
- Wait until your lover ends your extramarital relationship
We’ll assume you’re interested in the first option, given the fact that the other three can cause additional and lasting damage to your marriage and may more than likely lead to a divorce.
However, you should examine your relationship with this person and your relationship with your spouse honestly, and consider the consequences of any of these decisions – dramatic decisions regarding the state of one’s marriage are not choices that can be made for us, and they require truthful assessments. You should consider the effects on your lifestyle, family, and children as well as the real consequences of each decision.
Ok, You’ve Had an Affair. What are you going to do?
There is a wide range of statistics about the proportion of married couples who have had an affair. According to some researchers, marital infidelity can occur in as many as 2.3 percent for married women and as many at 4.3 percent for married men. Studies have shown that approximately 25% of married women and 11% of men will have an affair in their lifetimes. You’re not the only one. Just because you have had an affair doesn’t mean there isn’t a better way to get married. It is possible to make a relationship last an affair by working together, communicating well, and setting healthy boundaries.
At this point, you’re probably asking, “how can I save my marriage?” or “how can I grow my marriage?”. Here are some steps you can take to ensure your marriage is successful.
You must stop all contact with the other person.
The immediate first step in the question of “how can I save my marriage?” must be removing the other person from your life. It doesn’t matter how minor it may seem, as long as they remain in your life, you cannot move forward with healing your marriage. Your marriage is in serious trouble and it’s time to end all contact with them, including via social media. Focusing on your marriage and your goals must be the priority. Keeping in touch with the other person or having their contact information will only encourage you to return to unhealthy patterns.
Source: thegoneapp.com
You should focus your attention on your spouse.
When you begin to ask yourself, “how can I rebuild my marriage?”, “how can I fix my marriage?” or “how can I save my marriage?”, one of your first steps should be to put time and effort into the relationship you have at home.
Your spouse can take the time and energy you used to give to the other person. Once you have removed the other person, you can now focus on your spouse and marriage. This includes time. It is important to make every effort not to miss work, take a picnic during the week, or watch a movie on Tuesday afternoons. This is where the priority lies. We can shift the paradigm from an affair to marriage. Love attraction is built by realizing that our marriages are built on a foundation of thoughtful and sustained effort towards our spouses. We may have had blind faith that our spouses would remain in our hearts, but the truth is that a successful relationship requires proper care and maintenance.
Rekindle the Lost Flame.
Marriage loses its honeymoon glow and is easily tempted by other people’s offers. This is because we focus all our attention on what a marriage looks like in categories like happiness, joys, love, ecstasy and lots of sex. Do you start your marriage early? Most definitely. ButAny couple who has been married a long time knows that the best things in life eventually disappear. There will be moments of joy and elation, but marriage is about sharing the journey with someone who challenges you and makes you stronger. It’s about persevering through all the hardships and never giving up. When we know this, we lay the ground work to grow our love attraction and finally answer the questions, “how do I save my marriage?”, “how do I grow my marriage?” and “how do I rebuild my marriage?”
While many of us believe marriage can be strong and passionate by itself, it is important to remember what you love about your partner. You can rekindle that spark by thinking back to the time you first met. This will be a great thing for your marriage. It will also remind you of why you fell madly and completely in love with your spouse.
Ask Yourself “Why?”
It’s time for you to examine your relationship with the other person. This can be painful for many people but it is essential. If you skip this step, you are more likely to fall into the same traps as before, if boredom, doldrums of marriage or temptation knock on your door. Asking “Why?” is a good way to be open about your feelings. Why did you fall for the other person? What was the void that your marriage left? Do you feel that your spouse is denying you the things you desire? This is a time to be completely open with your spouse about their role. You don’t have to give up on your marriage if you discover some painful truths. Achieving soul satisfying love is, unfortunately, not purely about idealized images of your partner – it’s about being realistic and honest about what you can or cannot provide each other.
Look at your responsibility in the marriage.
The flip side to asking “Why?” This is a difficult and emotionally draining way to examine why you fell in LOVE with someone else and why your marriage is where it is today. Focus on you and not your spouse. You have already done that. It’s time to do some soul searching and discover your part in the problem. It might not have to do your spouse or their actions, but it could be all about your past relationships, insecurities and other emotional baggage. To prevent this unhealthy cycle from happening again, it is important to address and heal these issues. If we are able to grow as individuals, it opens up the possibility of attracting the love of our spouse. It’s about more than simply having faith marriage will transform us into the people we want to be – we need to make active choices to make our lives better.
Source: thegoneapp.com
Professional Assistance
Uncertainty in marriage can leave us feeling incredibly alone; when we come up short with answers to questions that should be simple or that might have seemed obvious earlier in your marriage such as, “how do I grow my marriage?” or “how do I fix my marriage?” or “how do I rebuild my marriage?” or “ how do I save my marriage?” can be incredibly disconcerting. When we are trying to improve our marriage or attract more love, sometimes even videos and articles about marriage can seem insufficient.
Fortunately, you and your spouse don’t have to face your issues alone. It is possible to seek individual and couples therapy in order to find the root cause of your problems. It can make a huge difference to have someone you trust and who is knowledgeable about marital issues. You can have a couple therapist or counselor act as a mediator between you and your spouse, helping to strengthen your relationship and bring back your passion. While a marriage helper can’t do all of the work for your, they can act as someone who can provide you and your partner with support as you work through your issues.
A counselor or marriage specialist might also be able to offer guidance. They might also be able to provide additional resources, such as a local calendar with marriage workshops. This could give you and your spouse more tools, tips, and advice to help you rekindle your relationship and rediscover or find a soul-satisfying love. You and your spouse will be able to find the right events for you, based on your schedules.
Attending marriage workshops has proven to be a healthy and helpful method of bolstering your marriage’s strength, and for couples with additional time on their hands, marriage helper bootcamps can be incredibly useful for doubling down and strengthening your marriage’s foundation. Many marriage bootcamps are available across the country. You can also do them online. Additionally, many tele-bootcamps are available at inclusive and variable times, which can be helpful if your local calendar of marriage workshops is daunting, or it won’t fit into your schedule. Although marriage helper bootcamps or couples counseling bootcamps are expensive, the valuable training and knowledge they provide can make your life easier.
It’s comforting to know you can get help online in a world that is far from perfect. Online counseling is available if you need help or have questions. ReGainYou can contact professional counselors, who will help you and your spouse act as marriage coaches and get your marriage back in order. These highly-trained counselors can help answer your questions about falling in love, how to fix marriage problems, and general relationships. They are available to help you whenever you need them, seven days a semaine, 24 hours a day. With such flexible hours and services, you may be able to finally book the marriage counseling you need to answer questions like, “how can I save my marriage?”
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs).
Is it possible to fall in love while you are married?
Yes, it is possible to be married while still thinking about other people or finding a new love. It is more common than most people realize. Not everyone who falls in love with someone outside their marriage will end up having an affair with another person. Still, many long-term marriages wane and eventually fail to provide for either or both partners’ needs, which can lead to feelings of romantic desire for or connection to people outside the relationship.
Sometimes it is hard to believe that you stopped loving your spouse long ago and now you think about other people. It’s not that your spouse is a bad person it’s just that they are not the person you love anymore and you just don’t feel in love with them. When you find yourself thinking, whether short term or longer, “I just don’t love my spouse anymore. I’m just not in love with my spouse anymore. I don’t feel loved by them”, sometimes it’s about the fact that love can fade. If the goal is to make everyone happy in the relationship, and not just coexisting in one space, then it’s probably time to move on. ThinkingYou may have been the one who was her love and head over heels in love at one point, but that is no longer true and can be difficult to deal with. Thinking it’s a short term thing, and maybe it is! But if you’re no longer head over heels in love and you keep thinking and feeling as though the person you love has changed, it may be beneficial to have a conversation with your spouse about it.
What can you do if you’re married and constantly thinking of someone else?
Consider your options if you find yourself constantly thinking about or in love with another person. You need to be realistic about your relationship and the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage. Also, think about your feelings for this person. Is it possible to save your marriage? If so, is it worth the effort to start a new relationship with this person in your life. These are not choices that can be made for you by marriage articles or videos online – they’re personal questions of deep importance. To get the best advice and make the right decision about who you want in your life, consult a counselor, therapist or marriage coach.
Is it wrong to fall for someone you love while married?
The question of if it’s wrong to fall in love with someone else while married or if you are in a long-term relationship is somewhat misguided. While it’s perhaps not ideal and can lead to a lot of pain and difficulty for everyone involved, it’s unfortunately not exactly something that you can control – we don’t pick who we fall in love with or when. It might not be right to have an emotional or physical affair with another person, but depending on the circumstances, it can lead to guilt and other feelings.
If you’re married but constantly thinking about someone else who isn’t your spouse, you haven’t necessarily done anything wrong – because really, you haven’t done anything at all, just thinking! But realizing that you’re married but in love with a stranger, thinking about someone else, or realizing that you’ve fallen out of love, can be a necessary wakeup call to push you and your partner towards making changes about your relationship, and even potentially pursuing professional help with a couples counselor or other professional marriage helper.
What if your soulmate lives with another person or is married? What if your soulmate is already married or with someone else?
Many marriage articles and videos talk about our spouses as our “soulmates” and true love, but rarely do they talk about people outside of marriage as our soulmates!
It can be possible that someone you are highly compatible with who feels “right” with you is already married or in an otherwise permanent or committed relationship. It can be extremely difficult and distressing to love someone who is also in a relationship with someone else. You’re madly in love with someone with whom you cannot pursue a relationship publicly, and can be a great source of moral conflict since having your desires or the desires of your lover met would involve breaking someone else’s trust.
You must express your feelings in such a situation and tell your lover to be honest about their feelings before they make a decision. It can be incredibly difficult to truly say, “I’m in love with someone out of my reach,” or, “I’m taken but my soulmate is not my spouse,” but self-examination can help you to get to the root of your patterns about attraction and ultimately create happier, healthier relationships.
What can you do if you’re married and in love?
People feel happy when they are together and in love. You have found someone to share your life. It would be wonderful if everyone could stay together, in love, and be each other’s best friend. ButThegoneapp.com knows that this is not always the case. It can make you feel uncertain about your marriage. The feeling of falling in love can be exhilarating. You don’t feel happy about your marriage after a long time. The relationship has changed. He is not the person you once felt. One time you were in love with him. Now it’s different. You may no longer feel the same way about him. If you fall in love with another man, don’t feel guilty. It is impossible to control your emotions. You feel confused and unsure of what to do. You can talk about your feelings with a mental healthcare professional to gain more insight into the reasons you feel this way.
Is it possible to be in love and have a relationship with 2 people?
You can be in love with more than one person. It is possible to fall in love and be in love with more than one person. Even though you are still in love with your spouse, he may not be able to satisfy your needs. You can fall in love again with him if you communicate well and if you both are open to it, you can do couple’s counseling. You can love your spouse again. It is important to make the relationship work and to be committed to it. If you find yourself in love with another person and constantly think about them, it is time to make a change. This is not a problem if you are in an open relationship with your spouse or husband where you both agree to be able to see other people. Perhaps you don’t know each other’s love languages. There are five love languages. It is important to understand how you love and give love. Your love language is a way for you to express your feelings towards your spouse, husband, or partner. A love language could include affirmations or words. You need to tell your partner that you love them verbally. This love language may be shared by both a husband and wife. Your husband could speak a different love language. You feel alive when you hear your love language. It is crucial to affirm to yourself that “I am worth it.” It’s possible to ask yourself “Am I in a relationship with my husband?” Find out what you feel about your relationship and whether it is fulfilling. You can have feelings for anyone, regardless of gender. Some believe that women cheat more often than men. However, this is not the truth. Either a man or a woman can cheat. Cheating is not a gender issue. Cheating can be caused by commitment problems. Cheating could be committed by either a man or a woman. It is a behavior that does not correspond with gender. You could find that the people you are in love with are both a man or a woman. Understanding your feelings and why it’s happened to you is crucial to help you decide what you should do next.
It can be challenging to live in love with two people. A licensed professional can help you navigate these difficult situations and tell you how to best move forward. Get the support and guidance you need now.
