Last Updated October 28, 2020
You don’t need to look further if you are looking for a quick lifter. Here are some of my favorite resources for you 88 funny quotes about life lessonsAnd life in general arranged in different categories. Nothing works faster to bring yourNothing can restore balance to the mind and body like a good joke.
Regular laughter, like William James is a very important habit.
“We don’t laugh to make ourselves happy; we laugh to make others happy.” Click To Tweet
“The road to true love never did run smooth.”Shakespeare
You will find a surprise at the end of my blog post. A funny motto in lifeIt is great for breaking up the ice and reminding you to not take yourself too seriously. I wish you a lot of laughter. yourThese are funny, sarcastic and crazy. quotes about life(:)
On birthday
“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” Joseph Cossman
“Birthdays are nature’s way of telling you to eat more cake.” Jo Brand
“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” Bob Hope
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistical evidence supports this. that the people who have the most live the longest.” Larry Lorenzoni
“You’ve heard of the three ages of man – youth, age, and you are looking wonderful.” Francis Cardinal Spellman
I believe in loyalty. A woman should not give up on her dreams once she reaches an age that she loves. Eva GaborClick To Twitter
“My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.” Wendy Liebmann
“Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?” Bobby Kelton
“You know you’re getting old when you get thatOne candle on top of the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.” Jerry Seinfeld
More Reading: 100 Happy quotes that willMake you smile
On women
“A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.” Arnold Haultain
“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” Marilyn Monroe
“Brigands demand yourMoney or your life; women require both.” Nicholas Murray Butler
“There are three intolerable things in life – cold coffee, lukewarm champagne, and overexcited women.” Orson Welles
“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” Patrick Murray
“An archaeologist makes a good husband. The older she gets, the more interested and caring he becomes.” Agatha ChristieClick to Tweet
“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” Lana Turner
My grandmother, who was sixty-six years old, started walking five miles each day. We don’t know where she is. She’s now ninety-seven years old. Ellen DeGeneres
“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” Socrates
“The most remarkable thing aboutMy mother is thatShe served her family leftovers for 30 years. The original meal has never been found.” Calvin Trillin
More Reading: 57 inspiring and motivating quotes quotes aboutSelf-love
For men
“How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he’s lost? Unknown Author
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.” Rita Rudner
“What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” Cindy Gardner
“Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.” Kathy Lette
“Man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.” Mark Twain
“There is a huge difference between the savage, and the civilized man. But it is not obvious to their wives until they have had breakfast.” Helen RowlandClick To Tweet
“Man does not control his own fate. His fate is determined by the women around him lifeDo that for him.” Groucho Marx
“The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.” Jilly Cooper
A woman is the secret to every great man’s success. Jim Carrey
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way when you do criticize him, you’ll be are a mile away and have his shoes!” Steve Martin
“By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” Charles Wadsworth
“The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason, he wants a woman, as the most dangerous plaything.” Friedrich Nietzsche
More Reading: 150 positive life quotes aboutSuccess, happiness, love
On friendship
“A true friend is someone who thinks thatEven though you know it, you are a good egg. that you are slightly cracked.” Bernard Meltzer
“Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.” Anne Morrow Lindbergh
“Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.” Otto von Bismarck
“True friends stab you in the front.” Oscar Wilde
“When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.” Diane von Furstenberg
“Friends” are people who know you well and still like you. Greg TamblynClick To Tweet
“There is nothing better than a friend unless it is a friend with chocolate.” Linda Grayson
“If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal.” Oprah Winfrey
“I’ve always said thatIn politics your enemies can’t hurt you, but yourFriends will kill you.” Ann Richards
“You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.” Laurence J. Peter
More Reading: 130 friends who are best friends and true friendships quotes
The relationship
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.” Rodney Dangerfield
“Honesty is the key to a relationship. Fake it. that, you’re in.” Richad Jeni
“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” Joan Rivers
“When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.” Frederick Ryder
“Women need to have sex. The only thing men need is a place. Billy CrystalClick To Twitter
“The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.” Linda Festa
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” Chelsea Handler
“The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends.” Bobby Kelton
More Reading: 78 best love quotesThese are some of my favorite quotes
The importance of parenthood
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” Lane Ollinghouse
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.” Leo J. Burke
“Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.” Michael Levine
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” Franklin P. Jones
“Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.” John Wilmot (Earl and Rochester)
“Always end your name with yourChild with a vowel, thatIf you yell the name willCarry. Bill CosbyClick to Tweet
“The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.” Evan Esar
“As the father of two young girls, I have come to the realization thatThey are just as messy and dirty as boys, but they love dirt. that they create around the house is comprised of at least 50% glitter.” Andrew. K Keller
“It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner.” Ben Bergor
Housework
“I think housework is the reason most women go to the office.” Heloise Cruse
“Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?” Phillis Diller
“Our house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy.” Unknown author
“A new broom sweeps clean, but the old broom knows the corners.” Irish Sayings
‘Housework, what a lady does is called “Housework.” thatNobody notices if she hasn’t done it. Evan EsarClick To Tweet
“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes – and six months later you have to start all over again.” Joan Rivers
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” Abraham Lincoln
“This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, “Honey, do this,” and “Honey, do that” around the house.” Jim Lemon
More Reading:91 positive habits and changes quotes
In the office
“Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.” Leslie Nielsen
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” Charles Lamb
“I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.” Jerome K. Jerome
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” George Carlin
“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” Robert Frost
The belief that there is a near-total nervous breakdown is one of the signs. that one’s work is terribly important.’ Bertrand RusselClick to Tweet
“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.” Franklin P. Jones
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” Will Rogers
“Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” Don Herold
Related: 45 inspirational procrastination quotesTo increase productivity
On music
“Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings.” Robert Benchley
“Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.” Voltaire
“I love singing and to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.” George Burns
“My music is best understood by children and animals.” Igor Stravinsky
“Beethoven always seems to me like the upsetting a bag full of nails with here and there an even dropped hammer.” John RuskinClick Here To Tweet
“I can’t listen to thatMuch Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.” Woody Allen
“Folk music is all music. I ain’t never heard a horse sing a song.” Louis Armstrong
On idiots
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” George Carlin
“Comedy is hard. Any idiot can have an opinion.” Ann Coulter
Anyone can make money. Very few people can keep money. John McAfee
“Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.” Greg King
“If the abnormal goes on long enough it becomes the normal.” Terry Pratchett
“Any man can commit mistakes, but an idiot cannot persist in his mistakes.” Marcus Tullius CiceroClick To Tweet
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” George Bernard Shaw
“The trouble is that you get fans who tell you’re great no matter how big an idiot you are.” Butch Trucks
“There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.” Steven Wright
“Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe.” Albert Einstein
“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent lifeExists anywhere else in the universe. that none of it has tried to contact us.” Bill Watterson, cartoonist
More Reading: Learning from 77 quotesAnd education sayings
When you retire
“A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.” Ella Harris
“Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.” Malcolm Forbes
“When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.” Chi Chi Rodriguez
“There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.” Robert Half
‘It’s a good, quiet retirement. Although I do not do much, it takes me a lot of time to do so. Barry WilkinClick To Twitter
“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. It is important to enjoy it fully, but not too much. that you run out of money.” Jonathan Clements
“When a man retires, and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” R C Sherriff
“Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.” Fred Rogers
Additional Reading: 101+ picture quotesInspirational images
Book tip: Funny inspirational life quotes
Here is my ultimate book tip. Did you know? thatI published a book about my experiences. funnyInspirational quotes about lifeAnd happiness thatIt will give you a good dose of laughter. It is loaded with funny mottos about lifeThemes are arranged with brightly colored pictures. Each page in this picture quote book has a unique design. willPut a smile on yourYou can either laugh or face it for a while.
You can get a sneak peak inside the book by skipping the background story. Scroll down to see my promo video of 29 seconds.
Number 1 on my readers’ wish list
It’s the 11th book in my inspirational picture book series, which I’m very proud of.
I am addressing a specific wish of my readers with this book. This was a result of a survey. A book featuring “funny life quotes and sayings” was on the wish list ranking number 1!
I was able to find this information, but I couldn’t make it. I published other inspirational picture quotes books instead.
Thanks to my readers, I was able to get help
My realization was all that was holding me back. thatHumor is so individual, and my preference to be special funnyWords of wisdom and pictures cannot reflect the humor taste of all. However, I was able to receive help from my readers. The other thing is: thatIt makes me very proud.
It was the first ever thatA creative group of twenty highly respected readers from all around the world helped me to complete a book project.
They participated in more than 50 polls. They voted for:
- The number of quotations for each category
- The best funny lifeCategories
- The funniest ideas in each category
- These are the most hilarious photos
- The best book title
- The best cover possible
I could go on and on…
I was also helped by the group with other aspects of my book creation process. It was an amazing experience. I would like to thank everyone again.
If you too want to get creative, join me in my Facebook group “funny quotes” and help me shape my actual book. You might be inspired to publish yourYour book is coming soon. Click here to join our Facebook group
The most important aspects of your life are what you should be focusing on life
According to poll results, willFind this book funnyRetirement wisdom and smile-provoking sayings aboutLove is the best. funny quotes about lifeMen and women, friends, work and many other things.
This collection contains humor at times and gentle humor at others. willIt will not disappoint. This book is great for everyone. thatIt is guaranteed to entertain, engage, and make everyone laugh even after they have finished reading it.
Filled with funny lifePeople throughout history have used mottos and sayings to describe themselves. willYou can read the quotes of historical and modern figures like Eva Gabor and Pope John XIII, Elbert hubbard, Leslie Nielsen and George Carlin, among others.
These are the comments of readers aboutThe book:
Watch my Video (30 Seconds): Funny quotes about life
Below is a short video to give you an idea of the overall look and feel for the book.
It’s good to know that you can also order all my picture quotes books on Amazon as printed copies. I have also included space. yourYour own dedications and greetings. This will allow you to make a personal and memorable impression. funnyGifts for all occasions
I also included 2 blank pages in the printed version. These are where you can write down any thoughts. yourFavorite funnyInspirational life quotes.
Click here to download the book
If you’re looking to go even further, check out my 52 Cooking Habits Course. There, every one of my 52 good practices focuses on laughter. Click here!
