We’ve all been there. Knowing what the best comebacks are to offer after an argument is over. These funny insults and quotes are sure to make you laugh.
YouYou will be asking yourself “Why didn’t I say that!” It can be frustrating to find a great idea to say in the wrong place after an argument!
If you are a Seinfeld fan you will remember George Costanza being abused by his coworker while George was eating shrimp at work. TheA coworker said, “George, it’s the ocean calling.” They are running out of shrimp.
George is totally dumbfounded in this moment. It’s only later that he figures out his perfect comeback. “Oh yeah?” The jerk store called. They’re out of your product.” The problem is that the time has passed!
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You know something about George. He is so determined to make a comeback on his co-worker, he flew to Ohio from New York to set it up again!
However, you don’t necessarily need to fly to Akron in Ohio to impress someone. This is all about giving you a range of hilarious one-liners to go with your occasion.
The good news is that the list below has a comeback for practically every situation you could possibly run into — from the jerk boyfriend and the fake friend to the helicopter parent and the nosy neighbor. There are even zingers for the cranky customer if you’re feeling ambitious and willing to take on a little risk.
Take care and make sure you always have a spare mic in case you need it.
Here is a list of 40You can use these hilarious, dramatic comebacks next time you need them.
1. Do you understand?
“Of course, I talk like an idiot. “How else can you understand me?”
2. This is something I can do all day.
“You don’t have to do it again. I didn’t mind you the first time.”
3. It’s a long road down.
“If you wanted to kill yourself, I’d climb up to your ego and drop down to your IQ.”
4. Karen, you are correct.
“Unless you are Google, stop pretending that you know everything.”
5. TheIronic grammar errors are a result.
“If you want to be a smartass you must first be smart.” You will be nothing but an ass.
6. Mic drop
“I am sure that 90% of your ‘beauty could be removed using a Kleenex.”
7. Just like Justin Timberlake’s song…
“If you have any problems with me, cry me a river and drown in it.”
8. 8.
“Roses and violets are red, but I have five fingers. The middle finger is for me.”
9. You should use more sarcasm.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you were an expert on how I should live my life. Please continue, while I take your notes.
10. Regina George is your hero.
“B****, please move away from the sunlight. I do not like the smells of burning plastic.
11. They did not even include Pluto. Shade!
“1 universe, 8 worlds, 7 oceans, 7 continents. 809 islands. 196 countries. I was fortunate to meet you.”
12. Oops!
“Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.”
13. That’s quite a zinger!
“I’d love for you to be insulted, but I’m afraid my insults won’t go as far as nature.”
14. Fierce comeback…
“B**** please! You”They are so fake even China has denied that they made them.”
15. ToEach one is his.
“WhenIf someone says that you are not right, they will say, “You”You are entitled to your incorrect opinions.”
16. Okay, that’s a bit harsh. Let’s hope.
“Why don’t you just slip into a more comfortable position like a sleep coma?”
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17. Yes!Oh, yes!
“If you are called boring by someone, say: “Yeah, but what makes you so interesting?”
18. Learn the difference.
“No I’m not insulting you — I’m describing you.”
19. Woah! Savage.
“Don’t hate my beauty. “Hate me because your boyfriend thinks that way.”
20. WhenYou need to reach out to someone.
“Is your ass jealous of al that s*** coming out of your mouth?”
21. This is not the way to live your life.
“I’d be happy to agree with you, but then I’d be wrong with both of you.”
22. 22.
“If you ran like you have a mouth, you would be in good shape.”
23. Ouch! Burn!
“I bet your brain is as fresh as new.
24. That’s an amazing comeback!
“WhenGuys say, “Suck it,” and I always reply, “Sorry. Small objects are a choking danger.”
25. Shade to throw after a breakup.
They say that opposites attract. I wish you find someone intelligent, beautiful, and cultural.
26. Lucky.
“Mirrors do not lie and, lucky for us, they don’t laugh.”
27. 27. Don’t be too hard.
“I try my best to see things through your eyes, but I can’t get my head up that high.”
28. For real.
“Listen, moron. Do not insult me by trying to insult my intelligence. I am too busy mental correcting your mistakes to be offended.”
29. 29.
“What do you say to a fake friend? ‘I hope the bus you threw under swerves hits you on he sidewalk.’
30. You are all set?
“I was going for a nasty look at you, but I see that you already have one.”
31. It’s the least that you can do.
“Even if you have to be two-faced, make sure that one of them is attractive.”
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32. 32.
“WhenIf someone calls you stupid, tell them “Yeah, I’m rubbing off on you.”
33. 33.
“If you don’t have the ability to set a good example, you will need to be a terrible warning.” — Catherine the Great
34 Similar to Tom Hanks’ Castaway…
“Yes, I walked out mid-conversation. YouThey were boring me to death, so my survival instincts kicked in.”
35 YouYou can borrow my computer.
“Why not look on eBay and see what they have for sale?”
36 YouReady?
“TheTomorrow is the day that trash will be picked up “Be prepared.”
37. 37.
“WhenPeople call you short and tell them that ‘Dynamite is in small packages’.
38. FunnyHow it works out.
There are always two sides to any story. But you can be a douche in either one.”
39. It’s true.
“I’ve found puddles that are deeper than you,”
40. WhenYou need a comeback but want to keep it classy…
“Methink’st, thou art an offence general and every man should follow thee.” —William Shakespeare, “All’s Well That Ends Well”
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Jill Zwarensteyn (Michigan native) is a writer who covers popular topics, pop culture, and astrology.
